I Am A Nobody

Seeing that I've eventually got a moment to myself, and not busy doing something for her, or being told to do something by her, I thought I'd sit down and write my little diary (yes, I do keep a mini-diary thing to keep record of day to day events). Whilst writing up what's been happening this week, I suddenly had a thought... Not a very nice one, but a thought nonetheless. My 老婆 also keeps a mini-diary thing and she uses it a lot more than I do, I just put stuff in when I can remember to and when I actually have time. Now, back then when we were still at the starting period of our relationship, I used to read her diary thing as a joke because I knew she didn't like me reading it so I would read it in front of her, much to her disapproval. She'd be writing pointless stuff and stuff about what we had done in the day and so on, but to my surprise she regards me simply only as "Bri". I mean, what? Bri? You couldn't put any further distance between the two of us than this like, why would she use Bri? It's not personal and there's no touch of affection in there at all? I mean, if someone else wrote a diary and say for example it was a girl and they went out for a coffee with me, they'd probably write Bri as well, but that's okay because they're not my 老婆?

Today, I'd like to write about yet another problem that exists between the two of us- one-sidedness. What do I mean by this? Well, it's simple, this relationship... I see that there's one of us who doesn't put enough into it... And it isn't me. I don't think that I would've seen this coming, well actually I did. Let's be honest, all the signs are there and things just don't work the way I want it to and many times I find myself questioning my value in this relationship and my value in her heart. Bri? Everywhere I go she is my 老婆. Everyone I tell, she is my 老婆. Everything I write, she is my 老婆. But to her I am merely a Bri. If she needs to hide it from someone, then why? And if so, who? I don't see any logical reason acceptable as to why I am still just a normal guy to her... I just don't know about whether I am the guy to her as I thought I was. I know you might be thinking that, "oh, it's just a name, no biggie" well to me it is a biggie. Simply because there isn't a lot else out there which reminds her that I am her 老公. Photos of us don't exist in places where you will see a lot of the time, they're tucked away in some folder in another folder... Labelled, "Bri".

Nobody out there in the world knows of our relationship, out story.. Only those who know us in our everyday lives know about us being together... Well, people know that I'm in a relationship, they only have to go on Facebook and take a look at my profile, but on hers it says she's single. Okay, on last thing... Don't know whether you've seen it or not but I've got a picture of her and I as my display picture on my MSN. I used to have a photo of some other thing on it, but it changed when she became mine... No I don't use a photo of myself as my display picture.

~BRio the 69 @ Home

Jesmond Dene Report - Not Bad! A Bleeding Heart.

So yes anyway, here's a little report on how my Monday evening went at the Jesmond Dene club... It was good! There were a lot of people there, but even with only four courts to go round I seemed to get quite a few games in tonight! The overall standard there was good, and I have to say that it was much higher than at Medicals- even Matt went there, so that kind of explains itself. The fee per session is at a lowly £3 for a student, which is lower than £4 at Medicals, which is value already! So in conclusion, I think I will come to this club every now and then and sometimes go to St. Gabriels... They're both decent clubs but I want to play more as well so I guess Jesmond Dene seems to be a good balance of both performance and number of games.

Anyway, continuing on with the theme of the last blog... I said something about being in love, and being insecure... This is true. I admit, I am insecure. I don't know why I am... But it happens and things just feel that little bit more nervous and anxious about what she does... You know? I said that things would just get better once she gets back, but from the look of things right now, nothing has changed at all, I'm still worrying about what she's doing, the people she's interacting with (mainly guys) and just her behaviour in general... I do trust her, before you start having second thoughts about my love for her. I love her, and that is why I worry. I keep thinking that maybe someday she'll just stop loving me back and she'll get bored and go for someone else. I keep thinking that all those guys she's talking to on msn are people who are "potentials" and people who want to be taking her heart away from me... I keep thinking that someday for no reason at all she'll just leave me on my own... Why do I think these things? There is no logical explanation, it's all because I am insecure and once you love someone that is what happens. Insecurity has always been something I'm familiar with, of course I'm familiar with it, it's happened to me twice already in life and I don't want it to destroy me totally but there is nothing I can do to defend against it. In a fight between insecurity and I, I will always be the loser.

But it is not always insecurity.

I'm not going to hide this. I am just jealous and hateful of the guys who she talks to on msn, on facebook, on skype. She obviously doesn't know this because she cannot see behind this mask that I wear, the mask which hides all emotion from the outside world. She cannot make out the fact that when she's doing those things she's making my heart bleed with jealousy, with hatred. She cannot see how I get annoyed and I become silent and I just sit there thinking away, about the things they maybe talking about, the thought that are running through their minds as they chat away in front of me. She doesn't see anything. The way she laughs, the way she interacts and the way she talks about those guys... Are all arrows shooting through my fragile and insecure heart, and she is doing it unknowingly. I don't know what I can do apart from sit and take it in. There is nothing I can do but sit and take it all in. I can only be patient and set my feelings aside. Simply because my love for her is infinite and reaches beyond the stars and planets.

~BRio the 69 @ Home Home

Fat. Badminton. Insecurity. Who Would've Thought They Were Related? (They're Not.)

It's been a little while since I last blogged, and many things seemed to have happened since then... Let's just outline a little about the main things that have occurred: my 老婆 has come home! I've restrung my Arc 10; my loan still hasn't come through (I wouldn't regard that as something happening, but there was a fuck up relating to this); I'm getting more and more skint and lastly I've put on more weight (shock!).

So yeah, talking of things to do with health and stuff, a lot's been going on with my body lately, mainly the eating habits I'm taking on ever since 老婆 came back. I vouched to myself that I would learn to cook properly for both her and I to save a bit of money... But so far I've only done that twice so far since last week, but then again I think that's still better than no days! I'm still running for that dream of becoming a decent cook someday, so that I can realise my dream of becoming the world's best man ever! Well, that's obviously never going to happen, but at least I can still attempt to be a good cook... I really do think that it's a seriously needed skill if you want to be a decent guy, because I think that women do like a good cook and sometimes you can captivate someone's heart simply by cooking them a nice meal... Well, I'm still miles from that level, but I'm telling you I will achieve that someday!

So healthy eating aside, my body seems to have taken the brunt after my week of rest last week (yes, a week where I don't do any exercise at all) and the fact that I've been playing less badminton this week... I've gained weight. Well, I don't know whether I've physically put on pounds or not, but I definitely look a little fatter than I was a couple of weeks ago... This is obviously not good, and something has to be done about it. Ergo, I have decided to have a week of activity (a week where I do lots of activities.) Well, it's not going to be that simple... Whilst looking for a place to fulfill my extreme desire and urge to play badminton on Wednesdays, I came across the whole ranking thing again... This led me to find that my ranking in both singles and level doubles is despairingly low and totally unacceptable. So in the end, I found myself aiming to achieve a higher grade AND play 6 days a week. Smooth. So here's my preliminary plan for this week...

Monday- play at Jesmond Dene club; this is so I can play a wider variety of people and hopefully meet some people whom I can absorb new knowledge and experience in badminton from.

Tuesday - RGS; I'm officially playing playing for the RGS team in the Northumberland County League. Is that really what I want to be doing? They are currently playing in the E grade league which means they're pretty shit (E grade is the lowest in the league) but I guess that just gives me a bit of time to practise and at the same time increase my grade in the ranking tables...

Wednesday - Wallsend Bewicke club; I haven't actually been to this club but I'm sure it will be quite good because I've taken a look at their rankings and their players aren't too bad... But there is one problem, and that's the fact that they play at Gibson Street... Gibson Street isn't a bad place for a club but the existence of a measly three courts and a dodgy heating system, doesn't really make it an appealing place to be during the treacherous Winter months... But nonetheless I will give it a try simply because it's one of a few clubs that play on a Wednesday night, so that fills up another day of my week.

Thursday - Medicals/Jesmond Dene/Book a court ourselves; Medicals really has taken a turn for the worst lately with ever dwindling numbers and all the decent players leaving. That is why I've decided to put this season's membership fee on hold till later, until I am convinced that it is worth me paying £25 for the season fee and an extra £4 per session on top... Jesmond Dene also play on Thursdays, so if I find that I enjoy it on a Monday night, then why not go for an extra dosage of adrenaline-filled badminton evening on Thursday? The option to book a court ourselves (Dude, Kit, Fung and I) is highly tempting simply because we know where our standards lie and we all know we will have a decent time together. So I'm still undecided as to where I should play on a Thursday, but I know I will play somewhere on Thursday, I am determined to.

Friday - DAS; with Dame Allan's as my life school, I feel like I should go back and visit everynow and then... That means every Friday for badminton with Gareth, Mr Renshaw and Mr Lewis. They need a good challenge every now and then, and it's always great to be back at DAS and meet some students there and find out what's going on and stuff.

Saturday - Day of "rest" (where I'm working all day 12 - 12)

Sunday - Eldon Leisure; Just an evening from 5 - 7 with the guys (Dude, Kit, Fung... Etc etc) for a bit of banter and maybe even a bit of competitive play if I'm lucky. It's always a great session because we have loads of games and we like a bit of challenge from other players everynow and then...

So there you go, my weekly badminton schedule all outlined out for you all to see... If you wish to challenge me... Go ahead, I'm always up for a challenge!

With health out of the way, maybe it's about time I talked about my state of mind... My feelings and emotions that I have experienced lately... I can't remember much about the time before this week, so most of it is from this past week.. But even then there's been a load on my mind... As you all should know by now (simply from reading this blog) that my 老婆 has come home from her three month long trip back to her home in Hong Kong, and that hasn't really taken any burden off my mind at all to be honest, even with her being here. I mean, I did say that there was a song with the lyrics "When you love someone, you're always insecure" and I simply cannot stress how true that is! But... I don't know, I will talk about it later because it's getting late and I have to sleep now.. But stay tuned, I'll unload my heavy mind next time... For sure.

~BRio the 69 @ Home

A Little Thought About Marriage

Tell you what's been on my mind lately... I haven't blogged in a while and I thought I'd just do my usual part and share my piece of mind with others.

Not long ago, at work I was delivering takeaways and it was the last order of the night and I happened to be the next driver in line and I had to take it (don't get me wrong, I'm fine with it, more orders = more tips). When the guy came to open the door he was smart, he dressed smart and it was obvious he'd been to some important occasion or another. Turns out he had just been to a wedding as he explained to me- his wedding. I was blown away, I just thought, "Woah! This guy's just been married! What do I say?" but my normal manners kicked in and I dutifully congratulated him on his new milestone in life like any other person would have.

So what impact has this guy's milestone made in my life? Well, to be honest it's probably the first time I have been in touch with a person who has just been wed. I know you might think that that's a bit weird, but what I mean is that it's the first time ever since I started to know things... If you know what I mean? Like ever since I've started to know things properly and able to put them in their own context and knowing what life is all about, that's what I mean. Well, this experience made me think about my own life and what it would be like when I eventually get married in the future, which will be no sooner than at least ten years I hope!

The way he told me, the way he talked and the way he acted in those very few moments on his doorstep reaching for his wallet and paying me for his takeaway were all expressed in the happiest ways as can be. He was in a mood where if you had an aura camera he would have this intensive white aura around him- he was over the moon (in norm speak). You could just feel the goodness and the happiness he emanated as you saw him, he was just in this state of mind where everything was good, everything was brilliant and when he pointed through the window and showed me his newly-wed wife, he was almost a kid again. He was like, "you see her there? That's my wife!" It felt really good just to be around this guy at that moment in time, he was having such a great time!

This led me to think.. How good would it be for me to get married? Just imagine the level of happiness I could achieve? Just thinking of it now brings a warm and fuzzy sensation to my heart, I just don't understand how some people see marriage as a means of tying oneself down? It's probably the happiest thing a person could do in life, second only to having a child! I can't wait to get married... It's just getting there which is a problem!

§BRio the 69 @ Home

It's A Big World Out There

During a recent encounter with an old friend of mine, many thoughts rushed through my head during the short few minutes of conversation we had... I'm actually really tired right now, but I thought I'd try my best to describe the feelings that passed through me during those moments today...

It is incredible how the human brain works. Incredible in the way that we can think of many things and many memories in a very tight time frame. Amazing how we can think up of the past just by seeing some events unfold right before our very eyes in a moment. That's exactly what happened today, to me, when I was least expecting it. As I saw my old friend walking down, many many thoughts of the past dragged themselves back up to the surface of my memory and suddenly it all seemed so clear to me, as if it was only yesterday... Thoughts of my friends from school, thoughts of my future at university, my dreams... They all collaborated in that moment of time and everything seemed to stand still.

I knew that if I did not approach my friend, they would not have noticed me... But to be honest, I don't know whether beckoning them over was a good idea or not, as it consequently lead to a short yet awkward conversation on our lives at the moment. It lead me to think, "what have I done with my life so far?" and "what will become of me? Now that I'm doing a course which sounds to be spectacularly gruelling and difficult?" Everything in my world stopped and I was left in a soliloquy scene, where I couldn't quite figure out where I stand in this world anymore. I just felt so small in such a big world... Where do I really stand amongst all the people in the world? I don't know anymore... I used to think that I was set to become something great, what with a decent education and a knack for most things, but it all unfolded today when I thought about the situation I'm in, the shit I'm in, all because I dropped out of university half a year ago.

To put it simply, I had lost all confidence in myself. I lost the confidence to go out and start something big, to do something great. I didn't even want to meet new people anymore at university, life felt like a drag. And it all happened in that moment. I don't even know how to face myself anymore, I don't even know how to face other people now... I've lost every inkling of confidence in myself that things don't even matter to me anymore, I can go through all sorts on my own, I don't need all the bells and whistles to make my journey easier... But... I just don't know what's what anymore, life has taken a big turn for me from this afternoon and I just know...

~BRio the 69 @ Home

All I Need Is... Time

Today's not really been the greatest day of my life. I've experienced what it's like to be on the edge of a cliff (again) metaphorically speaking, in my relationship with my 老婆... I feel like we're on a roller coaster of a relationship sometimes, and things just keep going up and down... They can never stay up there, something always happens and it all just comes crashing down... And today, it started off in a low and it went even lower, and it was just really depressing. I don't even know how to start to describe it. It was just so... Pointless? We argue over the most pointless of things sometimes, and it's just not worth the effort sometimes but why do we still do it? I don't understand why we are the way we are right now, but I guess it's just all part of the ride...

I can't help but to think that I can never make her happy. Everything I do is just wrong in her eyes in some way or another. Everything I do has the intentions of making her happy, but most of the time I fail and it leads to another row about something small. What am I doing wrong? There must be some genetic fault in me which is causing me to do all these things in all manner of ways except the right way... I find that we row a lot more now that we are apart in two different countries, separated by thousands of miles... All this arguing is draining me of my emotional physique and it's just not good for the soul, I know. I just hope that I can eventually come to terms with her some day and eventually provide her with all the love and happiness she truly deserves from me. I am desperately searching for that essential ingredient to my character which is clearly lacking and is making things between us go wrong... I just need time.

~BRio the 69 @ Home

The Beatles... Reborn?

The Beatles. Well, what can I say? They're just four guys who decided to hit the big time and they made it! Through the means of amazingly written lyrics and brilliantly orchestrated music, they have most surely made their mark in my heart as one of the greatest bands that have ever walked on this Earth. And today (well, technically yesterday) with the long awaited arrival of The Beatles Rock Band, I have lived in the 1960s for maybe a few hours in the comfort of my own living room. I have experienced now, the music which managed to turn the whole of the 60s upside down and has branded an icon in my mind by playing through this immensely entertaining of a game and eventually relighting my flame for their music.

Believe it or not, eight or maybe nine years ago when The Beatles had a remastered album named "1" produced, I had started to like them. It must've taken a world's amount of coincidence for me to discover the album, infact it wasn't even me who had bought the album it was my dad who did and now that I think of it, I'm not quite sure why he bought the album. Even to this day I still have no idea as to why he bought it, I mean, maybe it was curiosity that killed the cat? Seeing The Beatles releasing an album years after their split probably would have got the better of dad's curiosity, but he's not one to be moved like that... Plus, he didn't buy the "Love" album with The Beatles' songs all remixed when it came out a couple of years ago (even though I did). So what was it? I wonder... Nevertheless, he managed to arouse my interest in The Beatles ever since the purchase of that album, and it's still here on my shelf along with my other Beatles albums which I frequently used to listen to, less so these days with the advances in technology and my own knowledge of it. With the creation of BitTorrent and mp3s, CDs just aren't worth buying anymore, they're a waste of money when you can download them online for free (though illegal) and they're another waste of space, not to mention inconvenient to access if not transferred onto computer.

Ever since contact with the "1" album was made, my fascination grew and grew as I delved deeper into the history of "Beatlemania" and their members- John, Paul, George and Ringo. I remember that my desire to learn more about them and their stories lead me to choose to do a project on a music band for Music at school, which didn't go down too well because I may have documented more about their lives than their music and its inspirational values. But it didn't matter to me, Music was just another subject to mess around in when it came round. But my interest in The Beatles didn't stop there.

Over time, I acquired further Beatles albums by saving up pocket money and so on to buy them at shops and I gained more insight into their music more than ever. I grew to know that there was to their music than just the songs on the "1" album (which turned out to be, an album of their number one hits) but there were more back catalogue of weird and interesting music. Songs like "A Day In The Life" and "I Am The Walrus" told me that The Beatles weren't just all "lovey dovey", they were a documenting type of band, they wrote songs about life and they wrote songs which expand beyond the daily logical limit of the human. And it's because of these songs which is why I like them so much.

Playing through The Beatles Rock Band, thoughts and memories went through my head... I found that I had neglected my love for The Beatles for a very long time and I seemed to have forgotten about them for a while in my life. But now that this has appeared in my life, I'm sure that I will come to know of their music again and probably to an even further extent. I sometimes do wonder what it would've felt like to live in the 60s... They say it was an era of freedom, where people were given a peace of mind, where they would do things that they liked to... And of course they had The Beatles providing them with such a fantastic soundtrack for ten years... I wish I was a part of it all back then.

Gimme 10 Minutes... It's All I Need.

After the recent events which have unfolded between now and my last blog entry, I have managed to tire myself mentally with such emotional issues and I nearly lost sight of my single most prized possession... I really nearly did, but I managed to get a hold of myself, gathered my thoughts and I have continued to carry on with life as it is... Weird isn't it... I'm using the title of my own novella in my own life... Must be some sort of sign? A sign of big things to come? I wonder...

Having had time to think about my previous wrongs and issues, I came upon a conclusion, an idea and a solution. The conclusion part was that whenever I get tangled up in something, the first reaction that I have would be to get mad. Now why do I do that? I don't know. I think that's probably something I need to change, I'm just too hot-headed sometimes... I know it too, but that's why it's hard to change, because it's just become a part of me? Idea... I came up with an idea which really is the solution to be honest, but it's to let myself have a ten minute me-time whenever I get mad... I know this is a bit anti-social but for some reason I can get my head around matters within ten minutes. I don't know how, it's just nature. I guess ten minutes isn't bad? As long as I get those ten minutes I tend to be fine, I just need to sit down calmly and just think it through, or maybe just forget about it for ten minutes.. It's all I need.

I was at work tonight and I was just thinking of something, and I thought, "yeah I really need to blog about that..." And believe it or not, I've forgotten what I wanted to blog about... Isn't it just great when shit like that happens? It's times like these where you want just a device which can kinda grab images from your mind in the past... A bit like how the Apple TimeMachine thing works, it's nifty and I wouldn't mind having one, but is it really necessary? If only I could plug myself into a hard drive and just upload all my thoughts and memories onto it? Now if only I could work out a way to do that and present it on Dragons' Den...

Ok that is really annoying. I can't remember what I wanted to blog about!! Grrr!

Nevermind, it probably wasn't very interesting or useful anyway. There's not a lot else I really have to say right now, but I don't want to leave this blog here because it's a bit of a loose end (well, it feels like it anyway). So maybe I could enlighten everyone with a bit of my day? Mmm, well not a lot has happened today, apart from work... Sometimes I wonder what I would actually do if I didn't have work to go to? If I had money, and didn't need to work... Where would I be? What would I be doing? I'm always wishing I didn't have to work, but then again everyone does that... But what would I be happy? I think I'd prefer myself in a busy schedule than mooching around doing nothing... It feels like I'm using my time productively, but I'm getting nowhere with either of my jobs... I just hope that university will be a new hope for me...?

~BRio @ Home

The Man With No Heart.

After a recent phone conversation with my girlfriend, I was told that I was simply another heartless guy. I found this very, very... I don't even know how to put it, I think I was just simply taken aback by this very comment made upon my personality, how all the things that I've done in the past, everything that I'm doing, and even the things I am about to do in life... All heartless? Surely I deserve a more fitting description than this? Surprised, shocked... Just these two factors are enough in keeping me up at this time of the night, so I can write this blog, so I can write my mind... I still cannot get over the fact that I have just been called a heartless person my very own girlfriend... What have I done to deserve this fate of mine? All because I made a simple mistake and was careless in reading two simple emails... I guess I was destined never to be a person with a heart- not on purpose, but by accident...

I was planning on going to badminton tomorrow morning with De and Robert and the rest of the CF gang... But right now, I don't feel like I can function properly until I have managed to convince myself that I'm not the guy with a heart that I thought I was... Obviously something in me is missing, obviously something she wants does not exist in me? I would say I need some guidance but all I think I need now is some me-time... Some time put away just for myself to use, just so I can think through these recent events and reconfigure my own way of life... If only it was as easy as changing some options in a menu...

I just can't sleep right now. I feel so... Empty? Mentally tired? Down and depressed? Emotionally unstable? Or maybe its all of these... Life was good when it was what I thought it was, obviously it isn't what I think it's like... It's nothing like it, I'm just another heartless guy.

~BRio the 69 @ Home

Stress Build Up. Not Good.

Oh my God... I am so up and down right now, I don't know what I should be doing and I definitely don't know what's going on... I've just been so up to my neck with stuff to do this week and the week before that I just don't have time to stop and think about my situation and stuff like that.

The matter which really has been nagging me for so long must be the accomodation and moving out issue... Up till now, I still haven't managed to sort the whole damn issue out and it is draining my mind of its resources, I am slowly succumbing to all this stress and frustration that I'm actually getting quite down... If only I could somehow overcome this sensation? I'm constantly tired, constantly stressed, and I just don't know what I can do anymore... I just feel like there should be one thing right that I can be doing but I just don't know what it is... Life has taken a turn for the worse for me and I don't like it... If only life was that little bit easier... I just want her here with me, tell me it's okay, tell me everything will fine... But she's not here, she's thousands of miles away, having fun and unknowing of the stuff I'm going through... I guess that's okay because she's home to have fun right? She deserves her time there because she's spent so long away from home, it will only be selfish of me to hope that she can share my burden over here... It's okay, I can withstand it...

~BRio the 69 @ Home

God Give Me A Better Home Phone!!!

If there's one thing bad about my life which I would like everyone to know about, it would be about how my home phone keeps running out of battery quickly- as in how it runs out of battery after talking on it for twenty minutes. This is, to say the least, very annoying. It does make me wonder sometimes why phone manufacturers cannot be arsed to make batteries in home phones last longer? We own a couple of Philips ones, and they really are shit because they just won't last for more than twenty minutes! It's doubly annoying when I'm on a long distance call to my 老婆 in HK and then it starts beeping for low battery at fifteen minutes and then it just cuts off after twenty! I am utterly appauled at how the battery life is so poor... I hereby call out to all phone manufacturers... PLEASE MAKE SOME BATTERIES WHICH ACTUALLY LAST!!! Rant over. I'm kinda tired now...

~BRio the 69 @ Home

A Parallel Universe

Been having a free day all to myself today! But it really hasn't been all too productive though I might say... Nothing's really been going on today, everyone's doing their own thing and I'm doing my own thing- playing games and lazing about at home all day... This leads me to think, is there more to this life? Is there more out there we can all be doing? There must be something out there which needs to be discovered, like a new life or a parallel life?

I don't know why I always think about stuff like that, but when I do think about them they tend to become highly probable and they don't seem that impossible afterall. Just imagine, a parallel universe... It would explain a lot of things we can't right now, it would just explain why people make choices, have different emotions and so on... If only we knew, and if only we could confirm of its existence... But when I come to think of it, how can a parallel universe work? Rumour has it that in a parallel universe, a clone of ourselves exists and they carry out the decisions which we did not take, basically they are saying no to something when we say yes to the same thing... But this has got me thinking, how can they always have the same decisions to make as us? Surely if we decided yes to something, and our parallel self decided no, different opportunities would appear and different decisions would have to be made... Surely this puts a hole in the rumour/theory? Sometimes I do hope that I can meet my parallel self if they did actually exist, I wonder what kind of person they would be? I've tried to make all the moral decisions in my life, and have tried to keep on the right side every time... So does that mean my parallel self is one who does all things immoral and wrong? I wonder...

~BRio the 69 @ Home

Give Me Something Productive To Do!!!

Just been on the phone to my 老婆, she told me that she's going to camp with her friends for two days and one night... Today. I can't believe she never thought about telling me before now, I mean it doesn't really take a lot of effort to tell me what she's doing does it? Or does it? When I asked her why didn't I hear of this earlier, she just said that she forgot to... That's what I do isn't it? If I did the same, she'd have bit my head off already! But if I did say anything about her not telling me earlier, she would've made up a lame excuse like how they only planned it today or something so she didn't have time to tell me... How I can read her like a book! I can't really remember how many times this has happened, but it doesn't really matter to me anymore because it's happened so many times I just expect it to happen, to be honest there isn't anything more that she can do to surprise me now... I've seen it all from her... Another point to this... I can't believe how she didn't think about telling me till now, even after what happened last time in HK?? I revealed my true nature as to how insecure I get when things happen and I don't know about them, and here she is keeping things from me again?! The only reason she told me is probably A) because there was obviously something going on if she needed to be up and downstairs of her home by half ten in the morning or B) because now that she'll be away from home for tomorrow night, I won't have to ring her, wait or should I say I don't need to ring her because she's out having fun with her friends. Hm.

What a rant I'm having! I can't believe I'm having this rant at like half two in the morning! I just have nothing better to do I guess, well apart from that project... But then again I can't be bothered right now because I'm not feeling at ease! And just because she didn't tell me about this camp thing earlier! It's as if she just doesn't want me to know about her personal life or something! Geez. Sometimes I feel like I should just dig a hole and rant into it instead of on here, save some webspace!

Seeing as I have the day off tomorrow, I feel like I shouldn't go to bed yet, even though I was pretty tired some time ago but... Now I feel invigorated! I just feel like I should be making good use of this nighttime! I should be doing something out there! I should be having fun! Not having a bloody rant on here about something which isn't worth ranting about! I should just be living a good life and be asleep or something, just let me be doing something productive!

~BRio the 69 @ Home

One Problem Solved. Another Arises...

So, it's been a while yes I know... Well not too long, but it feels like a long time has passed since the last time, and I don't like that feeling. I know all too well that time passes too quickly, but on the contrary I feel like it's been a long time? I don't know whether that makes sense or not, but I don't care. I just don't want time to go pass so quickly, yet I want time to slow down for me just a bit because there are too many things I need to sort out and get ready for the coming months.

September looms over us as I type and it is only a matter of days before we see the end of August and officially step into the month of start- the start of university, the start of a new academic year, the start of a new life living away from the parents. Wait a minute, I didn't mention that? Well, here it is... It's out in the open to you readers, and I'm moving out. I think. Things have been a little less than smooth when it's come to the issue of moving out... First there was me deciding against moving out simply because I couldn't afford it, fair point. Then came the Heaton issue, I was going to move in with my 老婆, I got really excited about that and I had been planning for ages as to what I was going to put in her room and how to decorate it and so on... Then comes the news of Small Brick leaving. To be honest, it's hardly a problem normally, but when you look at the fact that there will only be a small handful of the original "crew" left in the Heaton house... Everything changes, because I don't want to be there, there just isn't any life left in the house. So I took on the decision to leave the Heaton plan and move out with my 老婆 to town and live with the guys (the guys being Tom and John). Okay, well that's not too bad of a plan... But then more problems arise- Jonny (whom I asked Tom to get to move in with them in the absence of me) has not decided whether he is going to move into halls yet or not, so he still has the decision to make of moving into the town flat... Then there's the problem of a single double room out of the three rooms... But that's sorted out now, I convinced Tom to give it up for my 老婆 and I... But now there's a new problem, the problem of having too many people in the flat.. Which is a genuine problem, which I had overlooked when planning all of this stuff, but I'm sure that will smooth out because to be honest I won't be there a lot of the time... I just hope it will be sorted out soon because frankly speaking, I am getting quite stressed from it all.. I'm just taking a lot of burden right now trying to balance all of these problems and to cope with money problems too... If only there was someone out there who could answer all of my questions... And not charge me.

To cope with financial crisis which I am now undoubtedly in, I have taken it upon myself to step in for SiSi at work for Monday and Wednesday at the bakery, this way I will earn myself a bit of extra money with my free time, which is good.. But I don't tend to like to give up my free time, even if I am doing nothing with it. But for the sake of my bank account's future, I have to do this, I need to do this, I need the money... I really hope this phase of my life will be a part of the past soon! Now all I can do is just sit tight, keep my head down and work my socks off, I will need to take on extra labour to earn more money! This surely is a very depressing time of my life this year...

~BRio the 69 @ Home

Life. Problems. Why?

It's been a little while since I last updated this sorry excuse of a blog and I do apologize to those that do read it. Here is my latest instalment of a blog entry and it's just as interesting as the previous ones, well it could be better.

Well, time flies as you're having fun as they say and three weeks has just flown by for me and I am yet again back in my cosy little home in the UK. I've had my bit of fun and I've had my fair share of ups and downs during my time in HK but right now, the general idea is that I kinda miss it all right now. I kinda want to be back there simply because my 老婆 is there and I really didn't want to leave her, but life is pressurizing as always and I just needed to come home to work. I also miss my mates there, especially the one and only WTFman who is looking like he isn't going to be coming back the UK at anytime soon... Such a shame really.

I also miss the night life in HK. There's just so much to do at night there, you just wouldn't get bored in the middle of the night... But on the other hand, it's a bit shit over here where everything closes early and the only thing that's open 24 hours is the casino. I mean, in HK if you were real desperate for somewhere to go in the middle of the night, there's still 7-11... But the main thing I miss about the night life is the presence of dessert stores! I love dessert now. That is just so bad for my figure, and I hate myself for it but there's no denying the fact that they are simply amazing and I love desserts now. WTF.

OK, so I'm back in the UK and to be honest I can't really say I've done much that is productive in the past few days apart from work. And to be honest, that's hardly a productive thing to be doing. Well, it kinda is if I'm earning money, but still... So I've decided now that I'm going to get into shape from tomorrow onwards and keep working at burning fat because I really need to get rid of some of that stuff... It's making me ugly and I don't like it. When I eventually reach my target of 70kg, I will go and get myself a custom made suit because I've always wanted one of those, don't ask why. I mean, it's just cool to get a custom made suit, right? It just sounds cool, so I decided that I want one.

Apart from that, I'm also going to try and work harder to earn more money because I'm a bit tight lately due to the fact that I have many things to pay for here... I've got car payments, rent (coming September), petrol, food, going out. Which reminds me, I'm meant to be going out on Thursday night, but from the looks of things right now I don't think I can because I am actually really skint. Life isn't looking so great anymore. I really do need to go out though because it's for Les' birthday and I really do think I should be there because I hardly ever go out with him and I don't want to let him down. But I have NO money!!! I can't survive if I have no money so I think I should just leave it, and just go to Medicals on Thursday night and up my game... How sad.

Right now, I've got a dilemma and I'm not sure what to do about it. Things have turned out to be a bit shit for Small Brick so she's decided to leave the UK and go back home... Which means now there'll be like... One other person in the Heaton house that I would actually talk to, so that's a bit shit. So I've kinda decided I would move out to town with my 老婆, it's kinda for the best because it'll be more convenient for both of us and she's always wanted to move out into town... Only problem is, there's always a problem like... But the only problem is, Tom's managed to coax his mate Jonny into agreeing to move in with them, but only if he doesn't get his first choice of accomodation. This is bad news. The fact that he most probably won't be getting his first choice of halls isn't helping because that would mean he'd move into the flat in town and then I won't be able to. *sigh*, if only things could work out the way I want it to. There's just so much on my mind right now...

~BRio the 69 @ Home

In. Love. ?

I can't believe I'm still awake at this time of the morning, and under such circumstances as well! I am tired from waking up at 6am this morning, playing badminton from 7 - 9am, then been driving around for a bit in HK and basically not slept since this morning. I'm surprised that I haven't collapsed yet from the exhaustion! But that's okay, I've been able to surpass my previous ability to withstand exhaustion, and I can last for quite long now without having to nap or anything which is good because I can use my time more efficiently.

Okay. I am just like, totally in love. I'm not saying that I wasn't before, but I just feel right now that she is the one for me. The one and only girl I will ever love, and it feels like nothing can change that opinion right now. I know it's quite silly to say such things, but it's true and I can assure you that my feelings are true and to be honest, my feelings on such issues are not normally wrong. I have gone through a lot with her so far, and I feel that we will go through a lot more together and all I hope for is that she feels the same about me...

±BRio the 69 @ HK

All We Need Is Time

As I said before, time is a valuable thing... I've got less than 2 weeks before I leave and I'm already feeling like I won't see my 老婆 for a long time... For now, she still doesn't know when she is going to come back to the UK but I think she wants to come back in October, after the mid-autumn festival at the start of October... I know it's selfish of me to think so, but I really want her to come back to me earlier... But seeing as she wants to stay with her family for longer then I suppose it's only the right thing to do to let her stay, even though I have little say in the matter anyway.

The past week has been really topsy turvy for me. I've experienced highs and lows of all sorts of magnitudes and I've also learnt a new sport called Extreme Nining which is a really really dedicated type of sport. But I'll let you's in on that at a later stage. But now, I'm feeling better again, but I wonder how long can it last? I don't want things between me and her to only last for a certain amount of time, I expect more to us than this. I expect us to be together for a very long time, for God knows how long, maybe years and if I'm lucky then a lifetime...? But it's too early to say that anything is set in stone, as time goes by people change and hearts turn, but maybe, just maybe, there's a chance that it'll last this time. Because I love her.

±BRio the 69 @ HK

Times of Frustration and Anxiety

There are some times in life where you just feel really frustrated about something or someone, and it just gets to you at such a magnitude that you think that the world is just going downhill. I'm in one of those moments right now.

I don't know whether I've mentioned it before, but time is a valuable asset that we possess as humans and we have to make every minute, second of it count. Right now, I'm stuck in this grey area where I don't know whether I should be angry, or worried, or maybe even both at recent turn of events. Angry because so much time has been wasted, angry because she doesn't seem to be worried at the slightest of it all. Worried because I don't know whether she'll make it through first year or not, worried because if she fails again she might never come back again. Or both? I laugh at matters like these normally, I eat them for breakfast. But not this time, this time is different. Everything about this matter is just worrying and it's really getting to me because I really really do not want her to fail again, either in a resit or just totally not managing to organise a resit. If there's one wish I should make now, it's to wish that she would just grow up and be a little more mature for one moment. That is all... But maybe I'm wishing too much, I just don't see something as demanding as that happening anytime soon, it's just not going to work, she just doesn't want to mature. There's nothing I can do about this but sit and watch; I do my best to help her and urge her to grow up, but you know when some people just don't want to do something? They just don't listen, they just don't understand. Right now, she's probably mad at me because I'm acting more worried about the whole situation that she is, which isn't wrong because she's the one meant to be worried. Why the hell am I acting so uptight? It's because I care for her, she may not know it yet, but I do.

~BRio the 69 @ Sorrento Clubhouse

@ HK

Oh and in a blink of an eye, here I am in HK! Not too appreciative of the heat, but still at least I can stand it to an extent. Not really been doing a lot since I've been back, but then again I have only been back for two days, and I've already managed to spend nearly 1000HKD. WTF.

Anyway, not really been doing a lot, been walking around a lot and that's about it. I met up with my girl eventually (and as you know I've missed her loads and loads) for two days in a row, which is good because I really wanted to see her... Right now, I've come back from having dessert with her and her sister who is a nice person all in all and I really don't mind her, despite the whole stereotypical girlfriend's sister thing. Whatever that is.

There's always been one perk staying in HK, and that's the fact that I get to watch Discovery Channel! It's mint, I learn so much from watching it though like. But yeah, I don't know what else to say. Apart from the fact that I saw a GP-03S Dendrobium HG Model at a scale of 1:144!!! It's 1880 HKD so I think I will have to consider for a little while before I buy it. Oh and the fact that its really big and I won't be able to carry it home. WTF.

-BRio the 69 @ Hotel with Free Wifi which I've managed to steal from someone.

I'm leaving todayyyyyy

Been a few days since I last blogged. That's down to the fact that I've been busy with doing the books for the shop and everything so I've been on a downer, so I haven't actually been able to find the time and motivation to write here. But yeah everything is kind of fine here right now and it's great because I'm leaving today! I'm leaving UK for HK! Yeah, I'm going to be going to HK for 3 weeks and it's going to be great because I'll have no work to do, nothing to worry about, and most of all, I can see my girl again! Well, for 3 weeks, which isn't really a lot when you've been waiting for this time for a long time... Just want to be with her as soon as possible!

Currently have a headache, and it's not very nice. Just want to sleep soon, but I don't think I can because I haven't exactly packed up yet, and yes I know I only have half a day to go before I leave but then again I like leaving things to the last minute, you know? It's been an interesting day, I can say that it hasn't been much productive but you can't really expect me to be productive, especially when I'm as lazy as I am... This headache is getting worse. I don't like it.

I went out for dinner with my mum and dad today, as a means of celebrating mum's birthday and we went out to Hanahana. Which was awesome. I love Hanahana. Then I went over to the flat and had a good chat with WTF and Figo, which was fun because we discussed so many things and just generally had a good laugh... I love times like these where we just sit and talk about things which we wouldn't normally because of other things like women in the way and such and such. So that was a nice little hour or so we had in private and it kinda felt bad because I wasn't going to get such an opportunity anymore to sit down with WTF and Figo to have a chat and stuff because Figo is leaving the UK for good, and WTF isn't entirely sure whether he is coming back or not... Well, he knows he wants to come back but he just isn't sure whether he is allowed or not... All these things are making me think, sometimes human relationships are fragile because there are so many things in life which are out there waiting to break the bonds down, wanting to disconnect us from each other... So I do think it's a good thing that the internet is in existence because we can now communicate with others so far apart...

But sometimes, even when communication can exist between two separated people, there are other things in place which can jeopardise their well founded relationship. This also makes me think, why do people like them exist, and why do they get together if they know that they will only fall apart when one leaves? This baffles me, but in the end I see that there can only be one explanation for this and it is LOVE. Only something of this magnitude can make us humans perform irrational operations and make us think the illogical. It is only natural of us to fall on our knees before the power of love, but the relationship on which we build on must be extended through other means sometimes in order to prevent it from deteriorating. This headache of mine is getting worse.

~BRio the 69 @ Home

Wednesday. Simply Because It Is.

Ah man, another day another night... Can't say I've got nothing to do, but I just don't feel up for it right now... I mean, with a whole 3 months' worth of accounting to copy up, who would? Certainly not I, for I am full of life and full of energy, but all of this is just dragging me down... So down...

I haven't really done a lot today, nothing productive and nothing un-productive... That's pretty bad like, I haven't even done my daily 3km run... This is real bad news for me, as my weight is unstable right now and it just seems like it wants to soar in the 80s zone again, but I can't let that happen! But I just have no energy anymore... My body is crying out for rest, crying out for someone to help make it better, but to no avail. This week's exercise-filled schedule doesn't seem to be keeping itself up, and I don't like the sound of that... Maybe I should do more tomorrow, well I mean I do badminton anyway on a Thursday night at the Medicals, and I love it, but I think I need more sports than that! I think I'll go swimming tomorrow morning as well... That's a good idea, I went today and it was okay so I think I will go again at the expense of my rapidly diminishing energy reserves. I'm sure I will cope tomorrow, I'll just have to boost my energy rate by having some high energy foods, even though that will prove to be very calorific!!! But I'm sure it will be fine as long as I do all the sports I'm meant to.

I'm getting pretty tired right now, and it's only half ten... This is never a good sign. Maybe I should have a nap till about three in the morning, then I can wake up and give my lil' girl a call to see how she's doing... Because I miss her. I don't know how many times I can say that until I get bored and sick of it, but I know that I'm nowhere near that point. I just won't get bored of expressing the fact that I miss my girl and I want to hold her in my arms right now... But it won't be soon before long that I'll see her and eventually end up in her embrace once more.

~BRio the 69 @ Home

I Am So Random

Ah I am so bored. For some reason I just can't find anything to do which will rid me of this boredom... I have somehow lost my ability to just go and do something, replaced now with an ability to sit and moan about how bored I am instead. This isn't exactly something I'd want to be doing right now, but to be honest there isn't anything interesting to be done at all, I've pretty much sorted Dynasty Warriors: Gundam 2 out already, so there really isn't much more to life than this I suppose. Well, I'm sure there more to life than this, but right now I can't see it and I definitely can't sense it either...

Well, how about a little bit of randomness? A little bit of randomness never hurt anybody, right? Already, I'm starting to lose memory of what I've been doing today... But once I start to try and think about it, I can gather bits of my memory and I can remember now... I played badminton from 2 till 4, then I played squash from 4 till 4:45... Why the squash courts are booked in sections of 45 minutes, I do not know why, it baffles much so, and if anyone knows why, please let me know. But yeah, I played badminton with SS, Karl, Steve and this other guy who must've been twins with Steve because they just... Looked the same. Wtf. But I didn't know his name, I wasn't given the chance to know it, we just played badminton. And they weren't very good. Well I wouldn't say there weren't very good, but they weren't amazing either, provided hardly any challenge at all to me so that's not a lot of help, but I suppose that's a bit of sport done today. Then the old badminton dude came, and we had a couple of games with him and to be honest I didn't like them at all! He used plastics and I really don't fancy them, and not to mention the fact that the plastic he used was fucked up didn't help... I was saying to Les that if we had been using feathers, he would've died a million years ago. Which wouldn't have been true literally, but would've been funny. Well not really because we wouldn't really know would we, if it was a millions years ago. Karl showed up unexpected low skills too, which was disappointing... I was looking forward to a good challenge, but in the end all I got was a leisurely two hours at Eldon Leisure... Not a good thing.

Squash was a different matter. Playing with Les in squash was pretty good, I'm kind of getting better now and I'm sure I'll end up beating him sometime soon! Squash really does get your heart going, so I guess it's pretty beneficial in general so hopefully I'll be doing more of that in the future and maybe even at university.

Talking of university, I've got a few things planned for this coming September like. I want to join the badminton club and make it into the university team, and actually play properly because I don't want to be like last year and not participate in any university sports. I might even try and make it into the squash as well, but I don't think I'll have that much time, especially studying law... Which is going to be hard. But then again I like a bit of a challenge... Hopefully this time round I'll actually complete the course unlike with Mechanical Engineering... And whilst I'm on about university, there was this plan which SS and I have come across and that's to rekindle the fire for the Northumbria Chinese Society seeing that a certain youknowwho has fucked it up and nothing's been heard of it... If SS and I can make it work, then I'm sure we'll get plenty of exposure for both the bakery and CGZ. If this goes to plan then it will be awesome, I mean, actually doing something useful for once! That's gotta be good.

So yeah, after my not-quite-so intensive sporting session, we (SS, Les and I) went to the good old Metro Centre for a walkabout to see what's new. Result? Nothing. Well, the fact that we were all skint doesn't help either. So it was more like a window shopping trip to see what stuff we could buy if we had the money. That's pretty depressing like.

Only a week to go! Only a week to go, then I'll be on a plane, on the way to HK! This is going to be awesome, I can't wait... But I don't like plane flights. I don't like the long queues at the airport. I don't like the long and impatient wait at the boarding gate. Everything surrounding the airport just annoys me, and I don't like it. But it shouldn't be too long before I get there, soaking in the humidity and heat of the HK air... So much to look forward to, the bustling population, the food, the atmosphere, the TV ads, the hotel... And las tbut not least... My lil' girl's been waiting for me for a long time... And I have been waiting to see her for a long time too... I just wish I could see her sooner! The 12 hours in the plane from London to HK is going to be the longest plane flight I'll ever have this time... I don't think a universe's supply of sudoku can take my mind off the wait to see her, that's how badly I miss her... I can somehow now experience the feeling that Small Brick will feel when Figo leaves... She has my sympathy in advance... So painful, but even so I think all will be well once I get there!

~BRio the 69 @ Home

Seven Days Is All I Have Left

Ah dear, another day gone, wasted. Well I wouldn't say it was wasted, at least I managed to get plenty of exercise done throughout the day, which is quite satisfying like. But even still, I wouldn't mind trying to fit just a little bit more exercise in my routine, so I think I'm going to have to raise the bar a bit for myself and push myself that bit harder...

Today at work, you wouldn't believe it, but there was this scene I saw whilst driving around- this chav kid in a phone box on the phone! Like, he wasn't very old, I'd say maybe about 14 or 15 and he was using the phone in the phone box?! I immediately thought, "this is the 21st century... I thought all kids had mobile phones?!" Obviously, I was mistaken and this scene has become the main thought of the night. That was quite funny though, just the thought that this kid was using a phone box... I mean, I'd expect someone like an old guy or something use it, but definitely not a kid, especially a chav kid! But then again, maybe he was picked on by some older chav kids and they stole his mobile, who knows?

So Monday is over, another seven days till the big day! I leave eventually next Tuesday so I'll be able to see my little girl at last! It's been nearly three weeks, and I'm already missing her to the ends of the world... She just means so much to me, I never realised it fully until she left for the summer... *sigh* I'm just a sentimental kinda guy, I hate to admit it but it's true and I think most people know. But yeah, just can't wait... My awfully long wait will over soon! But seven days left... Also means I have only seven days left to fulfill my aim of dieting/losing weight successfully! I don't think it has gone all too well, so this week is going to be my week of exercise, and I think it's started well, but I definitely need more work in there! Wish me luck readers...

~BRio the 69 @ Home

Weight Loss, Dieting... Just for...?!

Well, I've just done half an hour on the treadmill on a strenuous workout programme and I feel awesome, and tired. Just another hour until I have my next exercise session at Eldon Leisure with WTF, SS and hopefully Les playing badminton! I love badminton I do, it's just awesome but most of all I'm actually alright at it, compared to all the other sports I would like to do... But yes, this is a promising start to my exercise-filled week, despite managing to miss swimming this morning, but that's okay I think I will go tomorrow morning and swim for longer, just to make up for the times where I didn't go.

I think there has been slight difference to my body shape after all this exercise, but only marginal change, and I'm hoping to slash my weight down to about 75kg by the time I go to Hong Kong, because afterall that was my aim, but right now I have no idea how heavy I am so I better go check in a moment. To be honest, all this weight loss/dieting that I've been doing isn't really for anyone, it's actually for this polo shirt I bought at the Ferrari Store in Rome, where I vouched that I would lose weight in order to wear the shirt properly and not appear to be really fat. I think I may try it on tomorrow, if my weight loss hasn't made much difference to me in the shirt, then I will up the exercise rate and see how that goes... Wish me luck readers.

~BRio the 69 @ Home

Oh I'm not so sure about that...

Alright, I've come home from a long day at work and have been on the treadmill for a bit. But I still don't feel very fulfilled. I'm sure there is more to life than just work and working out, well keeping fit. I'm sure that out there there is some sort of destiny I'm meant to fulfill, but I just haven't found it yet...

Work was pretty bad like, wasn't busy at all so it wasn't really worth going to... But when it's run by your parents and they pay you to work, it doesn't seem that bad afterall. But I do get worried sometimes when it's quiet at the shop and I wonder about how we managed to get through the past fifteen years on that little street... We really do have a long history in Newcastle, but there is competition these days and they think of trying to bust their way into the market and try to gain their own portion of the market share, but no I don't think it's working because we seem to getting on fine, if only we had some more marketing power. I don't even know what I'm on about.

I decided to write this passage because I'm pretty bored right now, after doing my daily share of exercise I just feel like I need a good rest but I'm waiting to call on my girl... If only she picked up the phone, that is.

-------------------------------------------

I can't believe I've just woken up from a nap mid-blog. What the-?! I don't know, but at least I'm a bit more refreshed now, I think it's time for a little gaming time, just a bit of me-time you know? I think I really need one of those right now, there's just too much stuff for me to be doing these days that I don't really find the time for all that shit.

~BRio the 69 @ Home

More Paramore, Anyone?

Well it's been another hectic day at work at the takeaway but not quite so at the bakery... Right now, it's about twenty to three in the morning of Sunday but I'm still on here writing an update as to how life has been today... Am I obsessed? Or am I just crazy? I have no idea, but I have to say that at this very moment I am not actually that tired... I know that I need sleep soon, I know I am tired but for some reason I just don't really feel any of it.

Talking of work, it's been another night of constant Paramore-ing. This is becoming a problem. Yes, even my iPod Touch agrees because it likes to occasionally switch off and restart itself when I'm listening to it in the car. I don't think it likes Paramore. Well maybe it's more of the fact that it doesn't like playing Paramore's "Riot!" album on repeat for hours... Well, I find it fine! I don't see why my iPod should get annoyed before I do, afterall it is only an inanimate object which is incapable of thinking for itself (or so we think). So yes, this seems to be evolving from a Paramore-liking to more of a Paramore Addiction, if you know what I mean. I think I gotta give it a break sometime otherwise I'll end up listening to them too much that I will start to hate them.

Right now, in HK my girlfriend is about to embark on a day out on a boat with her mates, I wonder how she's going to cope- apparently she only knows two of the people there... But nevertheless I hope she has a great time, but at the same time I am also worried about her because I know how silly she is most of the time so I do hope she looks out for herself especially today! And believe it or not, I do feel a bit insecure because afterall as Billy Joel once sung, "When you love someone, you're always insecure~" but it's not that I mean, I don't think she'd cheat on me but you know that feeling when you don't know what your other half is up to, or where she is and who they're meeting etc etc. I just hope she doesn't do anything stupid on her day out :S

Back here at home, I have more serious problems to think about: Nando's. There's about (right now) nine days till I leave for HK, but WTFman isn't going to be here for most of this coming week so we won't be able to use the two free whole chicken cards that I have left. That is actually quite depressing. I don't want them to go to waste, well I mean they won't anyway, but I want to use them with SS and WTF so I think I'll have to go to drastic lengths to achieve this "want" that I have. Hopefully we could go on an afternoon or something, but if not it'll have to be Sunday. BUT SS is working on Sundays! What a bummer. Maybe I should've thought about this earlier. Hm.

Talking of Nando's, I'm not sure whether you's have been to the one at The Gate or not, but there is this bitch there, right? Her name is Linsey or some shit, and I really don't like her... Reason? Simple, rude attitude towards customers will always bring you bad luck and I assure you I have already filled in a comments and suggestions form indicating that she had been rude to me at the till and I made sure she found out about it. Hopefully she'll have some sort of change soon, otherwise I will continue to be dissatisfied and keep commenting until they fire her or something. Although that would be a bit harsh, but what can I do? I don't like people being rude to their customers, it's just wrong you know?

~BRio the 69 @ Home

Thoughts on Working

You know, I really appreciate the guys who came up with the idea of Pro-Plus because it really has been a life saver for me today at work. Without it, I don't think I would've survived through the night at working driving as a takeaway driver, it just gets so boring sometimes and you feel like you wanna just fall asleep! Then again, without it I would still have got through but I wouldn't have been working as efficiently as I was tonight. Sometimes, I really don't know what the other takeaway drivers think, you know? There were three of us tonight delivering but the other two claimed results far worse than I would have expected, in terms of number of deliveries carried out. I find this quite frustrating sometimes because they aren't working to their best potential but still get the same base wages- isn't this a bit unfair on me? I mean, I know what we earn at the end of the day is relative to how many deliveries we make each, but they can't just slack off and do a small amount of deliveries but still get the same guaranteed wages as me?! Nevertheless it brings me great satisfaction that I am still the fastest delivery guy at the takeaway and even if there are other drivers, I will still work at maximum efficiency because I love money!

Talking of working at night, the playlist in the car tonight consisted of: Paramore's album "Riot!" x 10+. I just couldn't be bothered to change the album at all, so it was just totally Paramore, playing the same songs over and over again. I think I should make a playlist for the car... Any suggestions?

~BRio the 69 @ Home

Interesting day I've had...

So yeah, I eventually got my UCAS official welcome letter today which is a relief because I thought it would never come :S Interestingly enough, I managed to receive a reply from my choice before I got my letter, which caused a bit of panic and confusion yersterday morning when I realised that my UCAS Track application had changed! Shortly before finding out that I couldn't login to Track because I didn't have my personal ID yet = =.

I went out to town today, I don't even know why I did. But I met some dude at Bob's and I remembered who he was eventually when we exchanged conversation about the old days in YGO. This conversation I had with him was somewhat nostalgic to me, because it's been a long time since I left the world of YGO and it really brought back some of my most memorable flashbacks to me today. Even now, occasionally I would think about going back there, back to the world of YGO, but no I cannot do that because there is just too much to think about when you're there, too many rules and new things that I just can't keep up with anymore. Therefore, I believe that I had made a logical decision when I left YGO, but now the memories are still with me.

Concerning my health situation, I still feel more or less guilty about my eating habits within the last couple of days coupled up with my erratic sleeping cycles. I've had a small amount of sleep within the last 3 days and my body is still under a lot of fatigue, especially after last night's badminton session at the Medicals. I guess I'll just have to sleep more over this weekend in order to pay back the energy loan which I used during badminton, which proved to work but the consequences are creeping onto me now: even more tiredness and a sense of weakness (physically) all round. I hope I'll manage to pull through this weekend without doing anything stupid at work or anything.

~BRio the 69 @ Home

Blog no.1 - The Continuation of a Legacy

Yeah yeah, alright alright, I know it's been a long time since I've last posted anything on the internet which is worth reading, but hey c'mon we all get downtimes right?

This may not be the most interesting of blogs that you'll read on my blog page, but trust me this is only the start of my comeback to the world of blogging... If you're reading this on blogspot, then you have truly read this here first.

Tell your friends and family, because briomir is back and this time he isn't going to hold anything back!

~BRio the 69 @ Home