All I Need Is... Time

Today's not really been the greatest day of my life. I've experienced what it's like to be on the edge of a cliff (again) metaphorically speaking, in my relationship with my 老婆... I feel like we're on a roller coaster of a relationship sometimes, and things just keep going up and down... They can never stay up there, something always happens and it all just comes crashing down... And today, it started off in a low and it went even lower, and it was just really depressing. I don't even know how to start to describe it. It was just so... Pointless? We argue over the most pointless of things sometimes, and it's just not worth the effort sometimes but why do we still do it? I don't understand why we are the way we are right now, but I guess it's just all part of the ride...

I can't help but to think that I can never make her happy. Everything I do is just wrong in her eyes in some way or another. Everything I do has the intentions of making her happy, but most of the time I fail and it leads to another row about something small. What am I doing wrong? There must be some genetic fault in me which is causing me to do all these things in all manner of ways except the right way... I find that we row a lot more now that we are apart in two different countries, separated by thousands of miles... All this arguing is draining me of my emotional physique and it's just not good for the soul, I know. I just hope that I can eventually come to terms with her some day and eventually provide her with all the love and happiness she truly deserves from me. I am desperately searching for that essential ingredient to my character which is clearly lacking and is making things between us go wrong... I just need time.

~BRio the 69 @ Home