Gimme 10 Minutes... It's All I Need.

After the recent events which have unfolded between now and my last blog entry, I have managed to tire myself mentally with such emotional issues and I nearly lost sight of my single most prized possession... I really nearly did, but I managed to get a hold of myself, gathered my thoughts and I have continued to carry on with life as it is... Weird isn't it... I'm using the title of my own novella in my own life... Must be some sort of sign? A sign of big things to come? I wonder...

Having had time to think about my previous wrongs and issues, I came upon a conclusion, an idea and a solution. The conclusion part was that whenever I get tangled up in something, the first reaction that I have would be to get mad. Now why do I do that? I don't know. I think that's probably something I need to change, I'm just too hot-headed sometimes... I know it too, but that's why it's hard to change, because it's just become a part of me? Idea... I came up with an idea which really is the solution to be honest, but it's to let myself have a ten minute me-time whenever I get mad... I know this is a bit anti-social but for some reason I can get my head around matters within ten minutes. I don't know how, it's just nature. I guess ten minutes isn't bad? As long as I get those ten minutes I tend to be fine, I just need to sit down calmly and just think it through, or maybe just forget about it for ten minutes.. It's all I need.

I was at work tonight and I was just thinking of something, and I thought, "yeah I really need to blog about that..." And believe it or not, I've forgotten what I wanted to blog about... Isn't it just great when shit like that happens? It's times like these where you want just a device which can kinda grab images from your mind in the past... A bit like how the Apple TimeMachine thing works, it's nifty and I wouldn't mind having one, but is it really necessary? If only I could plug myself into a hard drive and just upload all my thoughts and memories onto it? Now if only I could work out a way to do that and present it on Dragons' Den...

Ok that is really annoying. I can't remember what I wanted to blog about!! Grrr!

Nevermind, it probably wasn't very interesting or useful anyway. There's not a lot else I really have to say right now, but I don't want to leave this blog here because it's a bit of a loose end (well, it feels like it anyway). So maybe I could enlighten everyone with a bit of my day? Mmm, well not a lot has happened today, apart from work... Sometimes I wonder what I would actually do if I didn't have work to go to? If I had money, and didn't need to work... Where would I be? What would I be doing? I'm always wishing I didn't have to work, but then again everyone does that... But what would I be happy? I think I'd prefer myself in a busy schedule than mooching around doing nothing... It feels like I'm using my time productively, but I'm getting nowhere with either of my jobs... I just hope that university will be a new hope for me...?

~BRio @ Home

The Man With No Heart.

After a recent phone conversation with my girlfriend, I was told that I was simply another heartless guy. I found this very, very... I don't even know how to put it, I think I was just simply taken aback by this very comment made upon my personality, how all the things that I've done in the past, everything that I'm doing, and even the things I am about to do in life... All heartless? Surely I deserve a more fitting description than this? Surprised, shocked... Just these two factors are enough in keeping me up at this time of the night, so I can write this blog, so I can write my mind... I still cannot get over the fact that I have just been called a heartless person my very own girlfriend... What have I done to deserve this fate of mine? All because I made a simple mistake and was careless in reading two simple emails... I guess I was destined never to be a person with a heart- not on purpose, but by accident...

I was planning on going to badminton tomorrow morning with De and Robert and the rest of the CF gang... But right now, I don't feel like I can function properly until I have managed to convince myself that I'm not the guy with a heart that I thought I was... Obviously something in me is missing, obviously something she wants does not exist in me? I would say I need some guidance but all I think I need now is some me-time... Some time put away just for myself to use, just so I can think through these recent events and reconfigure my own way of life... If only it was as easy as changing some options in a menu...

I just can't sleep right now. I feel so... Empty? Mentally tired? Down and depressed? Emotionally unstable? Or maybe its all of these... Life was good when it was what I thought it was, obviously it isn't what I think it's like... It's nothing like it, I'm just another heartless guy.

~BRio the 69 @ Home

Stress Build Up. Not Good.

Oh my God... I am so up and down right now, I don't know what I should be doing and I definitely don't know what's going on... I've just been so up to my neck with stuff to do this week and the week before that I just don't have time to stop and think about my situation and stuff like that.

The matter which really has been nagging me for so long must be the accomodation and moving out issue... Up till now, I still haven't managed to sort the whole damn issue out and it is draining my mind of its resources, I am slowly succumbing to all this stress and frustration that I'm actually getting quite down... If only I could somehow overcome this sensation? I'm constantly tired, constantly stressed, and I just don't know what I can do anymore... I just feel like there should be one thing right that I can be doing but I just don't know what it is... Life has taken a turn for the worse for me and I don't like it... If only life was that little bit easier... I just want her here with me, tell me it's okay, tell me everything will fine... But she's not here, she's thousands of miles away, having fun and unknowing of the stuff I'm going through... I guess that's okay because she's home to have fun right? She deserves her time there because she's spent so long away from home, it will only be selfish of me to hope that she can share my burden over here... It's okay, I can withstand it...

~BRio the 69 @ Home

God Give Me A Better Home Phone!!!

If there's one thing bad about my life which I would like everyone to know about, it would be about how my home phone keeps running out of battery quickly- as in how it runs out of battery after talking on it for twenty minutes. This is, to say the least, very annoying. It does make me wonder sometimes why phone manufacturers cannot be arsed to make batteries in home phones last longer? We own a couple of Philips ones, and they really are shit because they just won't last for more than twenty minutes! It's doubly annoying when I'm on a long distance call to my 老婆 in HK and then it starts beeping for low battery at fifteen minutes and then it just cuts off after twenty! I am utterly appauled at how the battery life is so poor... I hereby call out to all phone manufacturers... PLEASE MAKE SOME BATTERIES WHICH ACTUALLY LAST!!! Rant over. I'm kinda tired now...

~BRio the 69 @ Home

A Parallel Universe

Been having a free day all to myself today! But it really hasn't been all too productive though I might say... Nothing's really been going on today, everyone's doing their own thing and I'm doing my own thing- playing games and lazing about at home all day... This leads me to think, is there more to this life? Is there more out there we can all be doing? There must be something out there which needs to be discovered, like a new life or a parallel life?

I don't know why I always think about stuff like that, but when I do think about them they tend to become highly probable and they don't seem that impossible afterall. Just imagine, a parallel universe... It would explain a lot of things we can't right now, it would just explain why people make choices, have different emotions and so on... If only we knew, and if only we could confirm of its existence... But when I come to think of it, how can a parallel universe work? Rumour has it that in a parallel universe, a clone of ourselves exists and they carry out the decisions which we did not take, basically they are saying no to something when we say yes to the same thing... But this has got me thinking, how can they always have the same decisions to make as us? Surely if we decided yes to something, and our parallel self decided no, different opportunities would appear and different decisions would have to be made... Surely this puts a hole in the rumour/theory? Sometimes I do hope that I can meet my parallel self if they did actually exist, I wonder what kind of person they would be? I've tried to make all the moral decisions in my life, and have tried to keep on the right side every time... So does that mean my parallel self is one who does all things immoral and wrong? I wonder...

~BRio the 69 @ Home

Give Me Something Productive To Do!!!

Just been on the phone to my 老婆, she told me that she's going to camp with her friends for two days and one night... Today. I can't believe she never thought about telling me before now, I mean it doesn't really take a lot of effort to tell me what she's doing does it? Or does it? When I asked her why didn't I hear of this earlier, she just said that she forgot to... That's what I do isn't it? If I did the same, she'd have bit my head off already! But if I did say anything about her not telling me earlier, she would've made up a lame excuse like how they only planned it today or something so she didn't have time to tell me... How I can read her like a book! I can't really remember how many times this has happened, but it doesn't really matter to me anymore because it's happened so many times I just expect it to happen, to be honest there isn't anything more that she can do to surprise me now... I've seen it all from her... Another point to this... I can't believe how she didn't think about telling me till now, even after what happened last time in HK?? I revealed my true nature as to how insecure I get when things happen and I don't know about them, and here she is keeping things from me again?! The only reason she told me is probably A) because there was obviously something going on if she needed to be up and downstairs of her home by half ten in the morning or B) because now that she'll be away from home for tomorrow night, I won't have to ring her, wait or should I say I don't need to ring her because she's out having fun with her friends. Hm.

What a rant I'm having! I can't believe I'm having this rant at like half two in the morning! I just have nothing better to do I guess, well apart from that project... But then again I can't be bothered right now because I'm not feeling at ease! And just because she didn't tell me about this camp thing earlier! It's as if she just doesn't want me to know about her personal life or something! Geez. Sometimes I feel like I should just dig a hole and rant into it instead of on here, save some webspace!

Seeing as I have the day off tomorrow, I feel like I shouldn't go to bed yet, even though I was pretty tired some time ago but... Now I feel invigorated! I just feel like I should be making good use of this nighttime! I should be doing something out there! I should be having fun! Not having a bloody rant on here about something which isn't worth ranting about! I should just be living a good life and be asleep or something, just let me be doing something productive!

~BRio the 69 @ Home

One Problem Solved. Another Arises...

So, it's been a while yes I know... Well not too long, but it feels like a long time has passed since the last time, and I don't like that feeling. I know all too well that time passes too quickly, but on the contrary I feel like it's been a long time? I don't know whether that makes sense or not, but I don't care. I just don't want time to go pass so quickly, yet I want time to slow down for me just a bit because there are too many things I need to sort out and get ready for the coming months.

September looms over us as I type and it is only a matter of days before we see the end of August and officially step into the month of start- the start of university, the start of a new academic year, the start of a new life living away from the parents. Wait a minute, I didn't mention that? Well, here it is... It's out in the open to you readers, and I'm moving out. I think. Things have been a little less than smooth when it's come to the issue of moving out... First there was me deciding against moving out simply because I couldn't afford it, fair point. Then came the Heaton issue, I was going to move in with my 老婆, I got really excited about that and I had been planning for ages as to what I was going to put in her room and how to decorate it and so on... Then comes the news of Small Brick leaving. To be honest, it's hardly a problem normally, but when you look at the fact that there will only be a small handful of the original "crew" left in the Heaton house... Everything changes, because I don't want to be there, there just isn't any life left in the house. So I took on the decision to leave the Heaton plan and move out with my 老婆 to town and live with the guys (the guys being Tom and John). Okay, well that's not too bad of a plan... But then more problems arise- Jonny (whom I asked Tom to get to move in with them in the absence of me) has not decided whether he is going to move into halls yet or not, so he still has the decision to make of moving into the town flat... Then there's the problem of a single double room out of the three rooms... But that's sorted out now, I convinced Tom to give it up for my 老婆 and I... But now there's a new problem, the problem of having too many people in the flat.. Which is a genuine problem, which I had overlooked when planning all of this stuff, but I'm sure that will smooth out because to be honest I won't be there a lot of the time... I just hope it will be sorted out soon because frankly speaking, I am getting quite stressed from it all.. I'm just taking a lot of burden right now trying to balance all of these problems and to cope with money problems too... If only there was someone out there who could answer all of my questions... And not charge me.

To cope with financial crisis which I am now undoubtedly in, I have taken it upon myself to step in for SiSi at work for Monday and Wednesday at the bakery, this way I will earn myself a bit of extra money with my free time, which is good.. But I don't tend to like to give up my free time, even if I am doing nothing with it. But for the sake of my bank account's future, I have to do this, I need to do this, I need the money... I really hope this phase of my life will be a part of the past soon! Now all I can do is just sit tight, keep my head down and work my socks off, I will need to take on extra labour to earn more money! This surely is a very depressing time of my life this year...

~BRio the 69 @ Home

Life. Problems. Why?

It's been a little while since I last updated this sorry excuse of a blog and I do apologize to those that do read it. Here is my latest instalment of a blog entry and it's just as interesting as the previous ones, well it could be better.

Well, time flies as you're having fun as they say and three weeks has just flown by for me and I am yet again back in my cosy little home in the UK. I've had my bit of fun and I've had my fair share of ups and downs during my time in HK but right now, the general idea is that I kinda miss it all right now. I kinda want to be back there simply because my 老婆 is there and I really didn't want to leave her, but life is pressurizing as always and I just needed to come home to work. I also miss my mates there, especially the one and only WTFman who is looking like he isn't going to be coming back the UK at anytime soon... Such a shame really.

I also miss the night life in HK. There's just so much to do at night there, you just wouldn't get bored in the middle of the night... But on the other hand, it's a bit shit over here where everything closes early and the only thing that's open 24 hours is the casino. I mean, in HK if you were real desperate for somewhere to go in the middle of the night, there's still 7-11... But the main thing I miss about the night life is the presence of dessert stores! I love dessert now. That is just so bad for my figure, and I hate myself for it but there's no denying the fact that they are simply amazing and I love desserts now. WTF.

OK, so I'm back in the UK and to be honest I can't really say I've done much that is productive in the past few days apart from work. And to be honest, that's hardly a productive thing to be doing. Well, it kinda is if I'm earning money, but still... So I've decided now that I'm going to get into shape from tomorrow onwards and keep working at burning fat because I really need to get rid of some of that stuff... It's making me ugly and I don't like it. When I eventually reach my target of 70kg, I will go and get myself a custom made suit because I've always wanted one of those, don't ask why. I mean, it's just cool to get a custom made suit, right? It just sounds cool, so I decided that I want one.

Apart from that, I'm also going to try and work harder to earn more money because I'm a bit tight lately due to the fact that I have many things to pay for here... I've got car payments, rent (coming September), petrol, food, going out. Which reminds me, I'm meant to be going out on Thursday night, but from the looks of things right now I don't think I can because I am actually really skint. Life isn't looking so great anymore. I really do need to go out though because it's for Les' birthday and I really do think I should be there because I hardly ever go out with him and I don't want to let him down. But I have NO money!!! I can't survive if I have no money so I think I should just leave it, and just go to Medicals on Thursday night and up my game... How sad.

Right now, I've got a dilemma and I'm not sure what to do about it. Things have turned out to be a bit shit for Small Brick so she's decided to leave the UK and go back home... Which means now there'll be like... One other person in the Heaton house that I would actually talk to, so that's a bit shit. So I've kinda decided I would move out to town with my 老婆, it's kinda for the best because it'll be more convenient for both of us and she's always wanted to move out into town... Only problem is, there's always a problem like... But the only problem is, Tom's managed to coax his mate Jonny into agreeing to move in with them, but only if he doesn't get his first choice of accomodation. This is bad news. The fact that he most probably won't be getting his first choice of halls isn't helping because that would mean he'd move into the flat in town and then I won't be able to. *sigh*, if only things could work out the way I want it to. There's just so much on my mind right now...

~BRio the 69 @ Home