One Mustn't Grumble.

Don't know what it is lately. Just been so tired, tired from all the work I've got to do, tired of all the jobs I've undertake, tired of all the stress I'm burdened with... Guess one has to trudge along with it though sometimes, I mean, afterall aren't we born to deal with our own problems? We were born for a reason, I'm not sure what reason it was but I'm thinking it wasn't to be a burden on others or to take burdens from others.

It's been a while since I last picked up my metaphorical pen and wrote a blog, what's been up? Things have changed in a short period of time and I don't know whether I'm handling it all properly or not. I don't seem to have a direction anymore, I don't feel like I'm needed for anything anymore, just feel like I don't belong anywhere. Why does it always come to this? Why do I always feel like I'm the only one left out? Isolated? Does this make me depressed? Or does it provide a question to my way of life, the path I've taken, the things I've done? In the short 20 years I've been on the face of this Earth, I feel like I've done everything wrong, everything up to date is just wrong. I get the feeling like I need a restart button in my life, just take everything away from me and just let me start again, maybe this time round I will be able to do the right things... But that would be cheating, right?

In retrospective, I have made some pretty stupid mistakes in life... And to remind myself of them is twice as stupid, makes me feel a bit weird, makes me feel like maybe I shouldn't have done that after all... If I had the ability, the courage to do so, there's so many things to say to so many people regarding my past conduct... There's so much to say to the friends I didn't become friendlier with, so many more friends to be made! But I guess if it's come to this stage, the only way to go is forward, I guess that's why I'm still in existence really.

I have no idea what I'm saying, I'm not drunk but I'm not really in the right state of mind either... Things have happened today which... Generally speaking don't make me feel so good. I've been living a weird day today, it's been hard to get through all the way till now... How long will it be before I can truly express what is on my mind? Why do I have to keep things from other people? Why must I always be the one to stay silent and take things as they come along? I guess I'm just born with this duty, I wasn't built for voicing my opinions, I was made to bear the brunt of things, anything, anytime, anywhere. I always thought a blog would help me clear my mind... But even now, I feel insecure writing to a virtual space about myself, my experiences and my thoughts... Why have I not learnt to trust this entity yet? I'm sure that day will come soon, if not naturally, I'll have to force myself to place my trust in it because frankly speaking, I don't really know who to turn to now to release my mind...