Time Waits For Nobody

3rd July 2009, I was at Lovaine, I think, with my awesome mate WTFman celebrating his birthday.

3rd July 2010, I'm in Los Angeles writing this blog after I've facebooked him and sent him his birthday salutations.

What happened in between these two dates? What happened in the year that took place in between? There's too much to write in this blog, but most of the 365 days in between, I spent with my amazing girlfriend. Although I can definitely say we haven't spent those days always happy (some were spent arguing and bickering) but overall it has been one amazing year. I have been through quite a lot with her, ever since we started dating last year February so I guess we're quite the couple... We've travelled to different places together, been in at least one near death experience together, done many things first time together, it just feels weird to think that eventually there'll be a time where we'll have to part. And I'm not talking about death.

I don't know whether you know this or not, but I've just finished first year at university and heading on to second year in September. May, has just finished second year and heading onto third and final year at Northumbria. I quit university the first year round because it was shit, it was hell for me and hell for everyone who I moaned to, it just wasn't working for me. And meeting May made it even worse for me- I just lost what was left of my motivation and eventually made a mess of my exams and eventually made the decision of changing degrees. I thought life was going to be easier after I dropped out, but starting university again was quite a challenge for me, I just couldn't get round to working hard, I just didn't know how to study anymore- hence the horrendous results I achieved for first year, but fortunately still managed to make it into second year... My course is a total of four years which means I've still got three to go whilst May only has one more to get through... And what's going to happen at the end of the next year? I can only speculate, but the answer isn't going to be easy for me, or her for that matter. With her being an international overseas student, she's going to have to go back home. And me? I'll still be in university studying... For something I don't want to do. I don't know how I'm going to get past this year you know. I need to get my act together and clean up my mistakes, but at the same time I want to spend this year entirely with May, our final year together... I keep telling myself it'll work out in the end, but I know for a fact I'm just lying to myself, I know it's not going to work and I know we're going to have to separate. Just look what happened to Lawrence and Ivelyn... They're a prime example of what's going to happen to us, and it's not pretty.

I don't want to lose her you know. I don't feel like I want to let go. I want to spend my life with her, and if you think that's a lot to say about, trust me I know what I want. But in times like these, you gotta be realistic, life's cruel and you just gotta live with it. There's seemingly nothing I can do to extend our time together, but I just don't know what to feel and what to think. I've always said I was a hearts over head person, I just don't like logic, I don't like realism. I want my fantasies, I want to do what I want, I want to be with the person I love for the rest of my life... Is that really so much to ask for? If it is, then there is nothing I can say... But for those who don't think it's a lot, then why does fate always turn us away from each other? Why can it never do something good instead of having to separate lovers from each other? This confuses me, and I am infinitely saddened by this harsh reality... How I wil have to deal with the trauma of her leaving me... How I'll be all alone again in this world... I wish not to sound so depressing, but in such a situation, is there really any other emotion I should be embracing? An answer... If you please... Somebody...

~BRio 69