Come on man!!

Hey, I know times are hard and we all gotta do what we need to do... But we can't forget what we hold dear, you know?

I've had this discussion with many people now, they all tell me the same thing... I can either leave you, or I reach my hand out towards you to give you a hand... But do you know how hard it is to make such a decision? I thought about it for a long time, and I still haven't really come up with what I want to do, or what I will do... I know what I want, I want to win, I want to get better and I want to het through this season with no more losses... But I also want you there with me! But you're performance has been disappointing at best, your motivation is non-existent and worst of all you just have no time... I'm going through a compromise here now, you know... In playing my games and improving my skills, but I also want to help you through these times, so you will be ready when the hard times are past... You only have to do one thing and that is to provide the motivation input... That is all you need, the motivation to play more and the desire to win. But don't take too long... I've waited for a long time coming now... Pull yourself together man!!

All Time Low

Just been reading through my last post. How invigorating the last paragraph was! But oh how long ago it was when I wrote those words... And as they say, famous last words...

It's February and I'm trying to enjoy myself in life, but then it occurs to me that everything in life happens for a reason. Everything has a price attached. There is value to everything we do and don't do. I've come to realise this, but is it too late? The consequences of my enjoyment of life for the past month or so has made a slight impact on my life, and it has also given me the big reality check I've been needing for such a long time. Many things came to surface, and many things I saw, I knew it was time to move on.

I don't even know how to begin this. Let's just say that when one comes to a dilemma, they can only count on one of two things they were given: their head, or their heart. Normally, anything logical can be decided with the head, emotional issues though- not so easy. Maybe I should ask this: what is love? No really, what is it? How did we get by life through all those years without really knowing what it is? What is it made of? How do we get it? Where does it come from and where does it go? All these questions are unanswered, even to this day and age where even flight is possible, even the most unthinkable concepts 50, 100 years ago have occurred in our present day and age. Why is it everytime I am in a time of need, there is nobody out there who can answer all my questions and show me a guiding light? I am plagued by these issues and questions, why am I stuck in this vicious circle? The more I do, the more I am bound to this eternal duty, the less I do results in the same... Is there no way out? I believe that there is, but it is one that I am hesitant in taking, and one that does not really run parallel to my own ethos. But will there be one day where I will eventually become corrupt and take this route? Will I dry my own roots? Will I stop the river from flowing into the sea? I have already taken the first step, I have made my first bold move ever since that day, two years ago... It feels good and homely, but at the same time on the other side of the coin, my heart is burning, it is crying and it does not like what I am doing... But so what? My head is adamant that it is the right thing to do, contrary to what my heart believes... This time, I will get it right. I will prevail and show them that I am doing the right thing and I will see it to the end.

The Wanted's All Time Low... Really describes my predicament. I cannot even start to think that it is about anything else. It has made a timely presence. May God give me strength and the wisdom I need to steer clear of these stormy waters.